It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
