her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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