Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
