btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
