I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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