I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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