can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
