Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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