so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
