I wish I could teleport
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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