I just saw a hot homeless man
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
