I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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