yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
