that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
