I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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