K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
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Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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