My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
