Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
