too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
