and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
two words...techno handjob
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
