but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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