You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
