how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
