If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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