are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
