i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
