his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
