So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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