The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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