I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
