i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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