I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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