handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize