Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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