I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
