Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We need to get me chipped asap
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
