I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
