At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize
