so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
