How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
