i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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