so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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