No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
