Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
