omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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