How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
