You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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