my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
