people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
