You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
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hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
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Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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