a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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