i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
