So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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