he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
