You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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