2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
