and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
