guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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