I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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