My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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