I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
