"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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