Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We are all done wearing pants today
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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