The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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