I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
