yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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