she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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