True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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