between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
