I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
