Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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