just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
