question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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