uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
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I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
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Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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