He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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