she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
