it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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