He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
