evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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